Jokes About Lawyers - Page 1

Did you hear about the lawyer that believed in reincarnation? He left everything to himself in his will.

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.

The lawyer said to his client. "Well. if you really want me to give you my honest opinion—“
"I don't.” said the client. "I want your professional advice."

Many years ago, a junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney telegraphed the firm: "Justice prevailed."
The senior partner replied in haste: "Appeal immediately."

Lawyers don't give bad advice - they charge for it.

It was so cold last week that I saw several lawyers with their hands in their own pockets.

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

Lawyers are people who can write a ten thousand word document and call it a brief.

What do you call an honest lawyer?
Hypothetical.