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Jokes About Lawyers - Page 8 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories

Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about lawyers and the legal profession.

This is page 8 of 10. Showing jokes 85 to 96

Up until you employ a lawyer, talk is cheap.
It was so cold last week that I saw several lawyers with their hands in their own pockets.
Lawyers don'tgivebad advice - they charge for it.
Years ago, a long-standing customer of the business was accused of robbery, and a junior partner in the legal office was dispatched to defend him in a distant state. The client was found not guilty and discharged following several days of trial. The lawyer, full of excitement at his win, telegraphed the firm, saying, 'Justice prevailed.'
The senior partner replied in haste: 'Appeal immediately.'
The lawyer spoke to his client. 'Well. Do you really want me to offer you my honest opinion?
'I don't.' said the client. 'I want your professional advice.'
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
Did you hear about the lawyer who believed in reincarnation? He left everything to himself in his will.
I wanted to tell the truth, but every time I tried, my lawyer objected.
Unless you can find a lawyer who knows the law, choose one who knows the judge.
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photograph?
Just say "Fees!"
A lawyer died and went to heaven. He was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who showed him around his eternal resting place, a fairly large condo on the beach, with fireplace, sauna, exercise room, whirlpool, cable, waterbed, wine-cellar, cook, live-in maid, butler, and driver. St. Peter then suggested he might take a walk around the rest of heaven before supper. While strolling the grounds, the lawyer met up with his old parish priest. They exchanged greetings, and came to discuss their new circumstances. The next day, the old parish priest made an appointment with St. Peter.
"Although I'm grateful for everything, I have a question about my accommodation."
"Go on.", said St. Peter.
"After forty years of faithful service - performing baptisms, weddings, funerals, preaching, tending the flock, visiting the sick, the imprisoned, the widowed, etc."
"Yes.", replied St. Peter, who could see where this was leading.
"I end up in a dormitory with shared baths, cafeteria food, and thirty-nine other priests, bishops, and even a pope or two. How is it that a lawyer gets such nice accommodation and services, while those of us that served so faithfully are all lumped together?"
"Well, it's actually quite simple," explained St. Peter, "we have lots of priests, but we only have one lawyer."

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