This is page 8 of 9. Showing jokes 71 to 80
What should you do if you find three lawyers buried up to their neck in
cement?
Run and find some more cement!
What's the easiest way to get away from a lawyer?
Buy a faster ambulance.
What's the best way to get a hold of a lawyer?
By the neck...
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows,
the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17
spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two
bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
A famous lawyer died and, unexpectedly, showed up at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter came out to welcome him, and as the Gates opened the lawyer saw
a banner which welcomed him, the first 457 year old man. The lawyer was
confused. He said to St. Peter "I don't understand. When I died, I was
63 years old, not 457." St. Peter was now confused, and said "Why, you
must be 457 years old. We added up all the hours you billed your clients,
so you've got to be 457!"
What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you
serve lawyers here?".
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own
pockets.
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop
and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog
running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to
demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers,
"Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 [attorneys
don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the
shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].
Several periods of time later -- it could be the next day but that would be
unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the
lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.
These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to
cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says
"Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".
Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon
descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't
tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry
yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And
the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet
up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must
be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says
"Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally
useless".
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