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Jokes About Lawyers - Page 7 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about lawyers and the legal profession.
This is page 7 of 10. Showing jokes 73 to 84
Lawyers are the only profession where the more there are, the more are needed.
How does an attorney sleep?
he lies on one side and then on the other.
he lies on one side and then on the other.
What sets a lawyer apart from a boxing referee?
A boxing referee does not receive additional compensation for a longer fight.
A boxing referee does not receive additional compensation for a longer fight.
What do you call someone who helps a criminal break the law before they are arrested? An accomplice.
What do you call a person who helps a criminal break the law after they've been arrested?
A lawyer.
What do you call a person who helps a criminal break the law after they've been arrested?
A lawyer.
A man goes to his lawyer and says, 'I would like to write my will, but I don't know how to go about it.'
The lawyer replies, 'No problem, just leave it all to me.'
The man looks rather upset and exclaims, 'Well, I knew you'd take a slice of it, but I was hoping to leave a little to my children too!'
The lawyer replies, 'No problem, just leave it all to me.'
The man looks rather upset and exclaims, 'Well, I knew you'd take a slice of it, but I was hoping to leave a little to my children too!'
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bull?
The lawyer charges more.
The lawyer charges more.
'You are an extremely expensive attorney!' Would you be willing to answer two questions for me if I were to give you $500?
'Absolutely! What's your second question?'
'Absolutely! What's your second question?'
Two women who hadn't seen each other for five years met while shopping. One woman said, 'I heard that you got married.'
'Yes,' said the second woman, 'I married a lawyer, and an honest man too.'
'Oh,' said the first woman, 'Isn't that bigamy?'
'Yes,' said the second woman, 'I married a lawyer, and an honest man too.'
'Oh,' said the first woman, 'Isn't that bigamy?'
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the graveyard.
In the graveyard.
What do you call an honest lawyer?
Hypothetical.
Hypothetical.
Lawyers are people who can write a ten thousand word document and call it a brief.
An elderly gentleman lay on his deathbed. He really wanted to take all of his money with him. He reached out to his priest, doctor, and lawyer, summoning them to his bedside. 'I have $30,000 in cash for each of you to hold.' When the time comes, could you please make sure to place this in my coffin? I'd really appreciate it.
Every man placed an envelope inside the coffin during the funeral. As the limousine drove off, the priest unexpectedly burst into tears and admitted that he had only included $20,000 in the envelope. He explained that he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.
"Well, given that we are confiding in one another," the doctor explained, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because the hospital needed a new machine, which cost $20,000."
The lawyer was stunned. "I'm embarrassed by both of you," he murmured. "I want it known that my personal check for the full $30,000 was inside that coffin when I placed my envelope inside."
Every man placed an envelope inside the coffin during the funeral. As the limousine drove off, the priest unexpectedly burst into tears and admitted that he had only included $20,000 in the envelope. He explained that he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.
"Well, given that we are confiding in one another," the doctor explained, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because the hospital needed a new machine, which cost $20,000."
The lawyer was stunned. "I'm embarrassed by both of you," he murmured. "I want it known that my personal check for the full $30,000 was inside that coffin when I placed my envelope inside."