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Jokes About Idiots - 30 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At

Welcoming you to a world full of stupid people where making people laugh is the best medicine, and being stupid is the main event. These jokes will make you think of times when you did something just as foolish. They include people who are dumb, oblivious, dim-witted, and plain stupid. There are 30 jokes in this category.

This is page 1 of 3. Showing jokes 1 to 12

A man took a photograph of his son to the chemist. 'I wonder,' he said, 'could you enlarge this for me?'
'Yes, certainly,' the chemist replied. 'And would it be possible for you to take his hat off for me?'
'Well, I'm sure we could do something. Yes, we could touch it up for you.'
'Oh, that's good.'
'Tell me,' said the chemist, 'which side does your son part his hair?'
The man smiled. 'Oh, come on now. You'll see that when you take his hat off.'

Did you hear about the two scientists who sent a rocket to the sun without any heat shields? It was alright, though; they sent it up at night.

An idiot was given the job of painting white lines down the middle of a road. On his first day, he painted eight miles; on his second day, he painted 3 miles; and on his third day, he painted just one mile. The boss was not pleased. He asked him, 'Why is it that you are painting less each day?'
'Because each day I get further away from the can of paint.'

A decorator was painting a house, and the owner came home to find the man rushing about like a mad thing with his brushes.
'Why are you working so fast?' he asked.
'Well, you see, sir, the paint's running low, and I want to finish the job before it's all gone.'

One time, an idiot was at a vending machine. He would stick a quarter in, push the button, and a soda would come out, and he would put it on top of the machine. He did this a few more times before a man asked why he kept doing this, and he said, 'Because I'm winning.'

How do you confuse an idiot?
Give him three shovels and tell him to take his pick.

This story is about the two idiots who went hunting together. They bagged a moose and, being big strapping fellows, tucked a hind leg each under an arm and began dragging the moose back to their vehicle. Another hunter came along and suggested that dragging the moose by the hind legs created a lot of extra friction with the hair digging into the ground. He suggested they'd be better off dragging it by the front legs and the hair would then slip over the ground more easily. They took his advice and a few minutes later, one said to the other, "That guy know what he was talkin' about, this is a lot easier."
The other agreed and said, 'The only thing that worries me is, we're getting a long way from the truck!"

How do you confuse an idiot?
Put him in a round room, and tell him to sit in a corner.

An idiot was invited on an outing so she decided to shop for some luggage. She asked the clerk, "Do you have any overnight cases?"
"Yes mam," he replied.
"You'd better give me seven of them, then. I'll be gone a week."

Why did the idiot throw bread into the toilet?
She wanted to feed the toilet duck.

How can you tell if there is an idiot on an oil rig?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.

Two idiots each bought a horse at a horse sale. Both horses were similar so Brian said to Joe: "How shall we tell the horses apart?"
"I tell you what," said Joe. "We'll bob the tail of one of them."
But by mistake both the tails got bobbed so that they still had the same problem.
"Oh I know what we'll do," said Brian. "You take the black one and I'll have the white one!"

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