'Husbands are like fish: neither would get into trouble if only they kept their mouths shut.'
'What makes you think you have the perfect husband?'
'Well, he always remembers my birthday but forgets my age.'
He drives his wife crazy. He talks in his sleep in a foreign language.
The two men had been introduced at a party and were sitting in silence amid the noise of the celebrations, sipping their drinks. 'You may have noticed I'm a man of few words,' remarked one suddenly.
'Yes, I'm married too,' the other man quietly replied.
I wouldn't say my husband is thin, but he looks like a thermometer when he wears a red necktie.
Janet: My husband talks in his sleep.
Mary: Why not take him to the doctor?
Janet: Are you kidding? It's the only time he talks to me.
Avril: I have fourteen children.
Jane: My goodness! Didn't you run out of names to call them?
Avril: No, but I ran out of names to call my husband!
Where can a husband always find sympathy?
In the dictionary.
He really surprised her on her birthday.
He remembered it.
Bill gave his wife a real surprise on her birthday. He remembered it.
'My husband calls me the best-looking girl in the world.'
'My husband has bad eyesight, too.'
'Is your husband a bookworm?'
'No, just an ordinary one.'