The tourist noticed a warning on the glass door of the small country store that said DANGER! BEWARE OF THE DOG. A harmless old hound dog was dozing on the floor near the cash register. "Is THAT the dog we are supposed to beware of?" he asked the storekeeper.
'Yep, that's him,' he replied.
The tourist was unable to stop laughing. 'It doesn't seem like a dangerous dog to me. Why do you need that sign?
'Because,' the storekeeper explained, 'people were always tripping over him before I hung that sign.'
What should you say to a dog before he eats?
Bone appetite!
What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A bud hound.
What breed of dog is always tired when it is in London?
An English sleep dog.
What dog breed gets on everyone's nerves?
A great pane.
Brian: Yesterday, my dog grabbed my dictionary and started chewing it. Fred: So what did you do?
Brian: I took the words right out of his mouth.
One day, a salesman dropped in to see a business customer. The office was empty except for a big dog that was clearing trash cans. The man in the store wondered if his eyes were deceiving him as he looked at the animal. Just then, the dog looked up and said, 'Don't be surprised, sir, this is all part of my job.'
'That's simply incredible!' muttered the man. 'I can't believe it! I must tell your boss what a fantastic asset he has in you - a dog that is able to talk!'
'No, no, please don't do that,' said the dog. 'If my boss finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phones and clean the office.'
Why are Dalmatians no good at playing hide and seek?
Because they are always spotted.
Why are dogs not good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What breed of dog wears contact lenses?
A cock-eyed spaniel.
What type of dog is hardly ever awake?
An English sleep dog.
How does a dog stop a DVD player when it gets to his favorite part of a movie?
He presses the paws button.