Jokes About Dogs - Page 3

How does a dog stop a DVD player when it gets to his favourite part of a movie?
He presses the paws button.

One day a salesman dropped in to see a business customer. He found that the office was deserted except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. Just then, the dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised, sir this is all part of my job."
"That's simply incredible!" muttered the man. "I can't believe it! I'm must tell your boss what a fantastic asset he has in you - a dog that is able to talk!"
"No, no, please don't do that" said the dog. "If my boss finds out I that can talk, he'll make me answer the phones as well as clean the office."

What breed of dog gets on everyone's nerves?
A great pane.

What breed of dog is always tired when it is in London?
An English sleep dog.

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A bud hound.

What should you say to a dog before he eats?
Bone appetite!

On the glass door of the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF THE DOG!. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor next to the cash register. He asked the storekeeper, "Is THAT the dog we are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but laugh. "It certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world do you need that sign?"
"Because," the storekeeper replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

What type of dog wears contact lenses?
A cock-eyed spaniel.

What breed of dog sweats the most and drinks a lot of water?
A hot-weiler!

What did the dog say when he sat on a piece of sandpaper?
Ruff.