Jokes About Doctors - Page 12

Doctor, Doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain.
Why is that?
My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.

"Doctor, doctor, I've just swallowed the film from my camera."
"Well, let's hope nothing develops."

"Doctor, doctor< I keep seeing double."
"Take a seat please."
"Which one?"

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."

The doctor comes in and tells his patient he has some good news and some bad news, the good news is that you don't have cancer, the bad news is that you have short- term memory loss. Then the patient says, "But do I have Cancer?"

A man walks into the doctors, he says 'doctor doctor, I think I'm a moth.' The doctor replies, 'Well I think you need a physciatrist not a doctor, why did you come to me?'
'Well' then man replies, 'I was walking past your surgery and your light was on.'

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, and I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID IDIOT!

I went to the doctor, it was quite serious. He gave me 6 months to live. But when I couldn't pay his bill he gave me another 6 months.

A man walked through the door and said "Doctor! Doctor! I think I've gone blind!" and the other man said "you surely have mate, this is a restaurant."

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs.
Doctor: I know we had to cut off your arms.