Jokes About Dieting - Page 1

Wife: "I can't understand why I gain so much weight, I eat like a bird!"
Husband: "Yeah! you eat twice your own weight every day.

Two kids are in the bathroom. One notices the bathroom scale and tries to step on it but is held back by the other kid. "Don't step on it!"
"Why not?"
"It must be painful or something because every time mommy steps on it she screams."

Have you heard about the new garlic diet?
You don't actually lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance.

Joan: I'm on a new diet and exercise program. Every morning after breakfast I go horseback riding.
Amy: Is it working?
Joan: Sort of, so far the horse has lost ten pounds.

George: Boy! My diet must definitely be working.
Joe: Why do you say that?
George: I can finally see the numbers on the bathroom scale when I look down.

Old dieters never die, they just waist away.

Each time I manage to lose weight somehow it is always able to find me again.

Overweight just sorta of snacks up on you.

Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. "Great," Sue exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first."
"Fantastic," Mary replied. "I'll come with you."

You know you're overweight and need to diet when your knees buckle but your belt won't.