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Jokes About Blondes - Page 6 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about blondes.
This is page 6 of 11. Showing jokes 61 to 72
One day, a blonde had the same weird dream every night, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) What is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hallway.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any writing on it?
Blonde: Yes, it does.
Doctor: And what does it say?
Blonde: It says 'Pull'
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) What is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hallway.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any writing on it?
Blonde: Yes, it does.
Doctor: And what does it say?
Blonde: It says 'Pull'
For the first time, a blonde visited Washington, DC, and wanted to see the Capitol building. Since she couldn't find it, she asked a police officer for help - 'Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?'
"At this bus stop, wait for the number 54 bus," the police replied. You will arrive there immediately. The police left after she thanked him, and he drove off.
When the officer returned to the same area three hours later, the blonde was still standing at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, 'To get to the Capitol building, I said you should wait here for the number 54 bus, which was three hours ago! So why are you still waiting?'
The blonde replied, 'Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!'
"At this bus stop, wait for the number 54 bus," the police replied. You will arrive there immediately. The police left after she thanked him, and he drove off.
When the officer returned to the same area three hours later, the blonde was still standing at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, 'To get to the Capitol building, I said you should wait here for the number 54 bus, which was three hours ago! So why are you still waiting?'
The blonde replied, 'Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!'
A blonde had a dent in her car and decided to take it to the repair shop. After the repairman noticed the woman's blonde hair, he decided to have a little fun.
So he told her to take it home, blow in the tailpipe, and the dent would pop out.
So she went home and did this for fifteen minutes until the blonde's blonde neighbor approached and inquired what she was doing.
'I'm trying to pop out this dent. But, it's not working.'
'Duh. You have to roll up the windows first, stupid!'
So he told her to take it home, blow in the tailpipe, and the dent would pop out.
So she went home and did this for fifteen minutes until the blonde's blonde neighbor approached and inquired what she was doing.
'I'm trying to pop out this dent. But, it's not working.'
'Duh. You have to roll up the windows first, stupid!'
In a snowstorm, a blonde driving a car got lost. But she didn't panic because she recalled what her father had told her. The best course of action in the event of a snowfall is to wait for a snow plow to pass and follow it.
Sure enough, a snow plow came by pretty soon, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally, the driver got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her to follow a plow if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm.
He nodded and said, "All right, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot." Do you want to go to K-Mart with me now?
Sure enough, a snow plow came by pretty soon, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally, the driver got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her to follow a plow if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm.
He nodded and said, "All right, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot." Do you want to go to K-Mart with me now?
A girl was showing off how well she knew the names of state capitals. "Go ahead and ask me; I know all of them," she says with pride. "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" asks a friend.
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
A blonde goes out and buys a pistol because she has a sneaking suspicion that her boyfriend is cheating on her. She arrives at his place without warning, and as she opens the door, she discovers him cradled in the arms of a woman with fiery red hair. The blonde is irate. When she opens her purse to remove the pistol, she is stricken with grief. She points it at her head. 'No, honey, don't do that!' her boyfriend yells at her. 'Shut up, you're next!' the blonde replies.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were at a dance together. They found an old hag when they checked their makeup in the bathroom. 'I am a witch, and if you look in the mirror and say one rumor that you hear about you, and that rumor is true, then you will get one wish. If it is not true, then you will get sucked into Mirrorland for the rest of eternity. Do you understand?' They all did, and the brunette went first. 'I think I am the prettiest girl at school.'
'That is true. Your wish is granted.' And the brunette left the dance in a red Ferrari. Then came the redhead. 'I think I am the richest girl at school.'
'That is true. Your wish is granted.' And the redhead left the dance with a hot boyfriend. Then came the blonde. 'I think...' Before she could finish, the witch said: 'You lie!!' And she was sucked into the mirror.
'That is true. Your wish is granted.' And the brunette left the dance in a red Ferrari. Then came the redhead. 'I think I am the richest girl at school.'
'That is true. Your wish is granted.' And the redhead left the dance with a hot boyfriend. Then came the blonde. 'I think...' Before she could finish, the witch said: 'You lie!!' And she was sucked into the mirror.
One day, a brunette was driving home from work, and as she got out of the car, she heard her blonde neighbor crying. 'Oh my god, what's wrong?' the brunette asked. 'My mother just died!' said the blonde crying out. Feeling sorry for the blonde, the brunette comforted her the whole day. The next day, the brunette saw the blonde crying outside. 'Now what on earth is wrong?!' said the brunette. 'Oh, it's terrible...my sister called, and her mother died too!'
One time, this blonde girl was at a vending machine. She would stick a quarter in, push the button, and a soda would come out and put it on the top. She did this a few more times before a man asked why she kept doing this, and she said, 'Because I'm winning.'
The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was upset by a recent incident.
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and looted. She phoned the police at once to report the crime.
A K9 unit on a routine patrol in the area was the first on the scene after the police dispatcher announced the call over the radio.
When the K-9 officer arrived at the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde came out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head, and wailed, 'I get home from work to discover all my stuff taken; I call the police for aid, and what do they do? They send a blind cop!
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and looted. She phoned the police at once to report the crime.
A K9 unit on a routine patrol in the area was the first on the scene after the police dispatcher announced the call over the radio.
When the K-9 officer arrived at the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde came out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head, and wailed, 'I get home from work to discover all my stuff taken; I call the police for aid, and what do they do? They send a blind cop!
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.
They began arguing about properly pronouncing the town's name as they got closer to Natchitoches. They continued to quarrel with one another until they finally decided to stop for lunch. While standing at the counter, one of the tourists approached the blonde employee and requested, "Before we place our order, would you be able to please settle an argument for us?" Do you mind if I ask you to say the name of our current location very slowly?
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, 'Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.
They began arguing about properly pronouncing the town's name as they got closer to Natchitoches. They continued to quarrel with one another until they finally decided to stop for lunch. While standing at the counter, one of the tourists approached the blonde employee and requested, "Before we place our order, would you be able to please settle an argument for us?" Do you mind if I ask you to say the name of our current location very slowly?
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, 'Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.
A lawyer and a blonde sit beside each other on a long flight from LA to NY. "Would you like to play a fun game with me?" the lawyer asks as he leans over to her. The blonde simply wants to sleep, so she politely refuses and moves to the window to catch a few zzzs.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and fun. He says, 'I ask you a question, and you pay me $5 if you don't know the answer, and vice versa.' She gently declines once more and makes an effort to go to sleep.
'Alright, if you don't know the answer, you give me $5. If I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!' the lawyer replies, now visibly irritated.
He figures he will easily win the game because she is blonde. This stimulates the blonde's interest, and she agrees to play the game, assuming that there will be no end to her suffering unless she does.
The lawyer starts by asking a question. "Just how far is it between Earth and the moon?" There is silence from the blonde as she takes out a five-dollar bill from her bag and gives it to the lawyer.
Now it's the turn of the blonde. She inquires of the lawyer, "What is it that ascends a hill with three legs and descends with four?" A confused look crosses the lawyer's face as he looks at her. He takes out his laptop and searches through all of his references. He connects to the Airphone via his modem and searches the Internet. He sends out e-mails to all of his coworkers and friends. All in vain. He wakes the blonde after more than an hour and gives her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
Somewhat annoyed, the lawyer wakes up the redhead and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
With a warm smile, the blonde quietly retrieves $5 from her purse and hands it to the lawyer before returning to her slumber.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and fun. He says, 'I ask you a question, and you pay me $5 if you don't know the answer, and vice versa.' She gently declines once more and makes an effort to go to sleep.
'Alright, if you don't know the answer, you give me $5. If I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!' the lawyer replies, now visibly irritated.
He figures he will easily win the game because she is blonde. This stimulates the blonde's interest, and she agrees to play the game, assuming that there will be no end to her suffering unless she does.
The lawyer starts by asking a question. "Just how far is it between Earth and the moon?" There is silence from the blonde as she takes out a five-dollar bill from her bag and gives it to the lawyer.
Now it's the turn of the blonde. She inquires of the lawyer, "What is it that ascends a hill with three legs and descends with four?" A confused look crosses the lawyer's face as he looks at her. He takes out his laptop and searches through all of his references. He connects to the Airphone via his modem and searches the Internet. He sends out e-mails to all of his coworkers and friends. All in vain. He wakes the blonde after more than an hour and gives her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
Somewhat annoyed, the lawyer wakes up the redhead and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
With a warm smile, the blonde quietly retrieves $5 from her purse and hands it to the lawyer before returning to her slumber.