Trains
How do you find a missing railway train?
Follow its tracks.
Tourists
Tourist: Is that chin-strap to keep your helmet on?
Policeman: No, sir, it's to rest my jaw on after answering stupid questions.
Tourists
What is green, has two arms, two legs, and a trunk?
A seasick tourist.
Trains
What do you call a train carrying toffee?
A chew chew train.
Trains
Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to come along?
They only run a skeleton service.
Trains
What Christmas present do you give to a train driver?
Platform shoes.
Tourists
What do you get if you cross a tourist and an elephant?
Something that carries its own trunk.
Tomatoes
A cucumber and a tomato meet in a salad bar.
Cucumber: Gee, how come you look so red?
Tomato: I saw the salad dressing.
Trains
What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew chew train.
Tourists
Why is it called the tourist season if we can't shoot at them?