Presents
Christmas is a holiday on which neither the past nor the future is as important as the present.
Prisoners
What do you call a prisoner's pet budgie?
A jailbird.
Pretty
My new girlfriend is as pretty as a flower.
A cauliflower.
Prehistoric
What do you call prehistoric sailing disasters?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Prizes
Why was the baby firefly awarded a prize at school?
Because he was very bright for his age.
Presents
What is red and white, and it gives gifts to good little fish at Christmas?
Sandy Claws.
Presents
What did the bald man say when he was given a comb as a birthday present?
Thanks, I'll never part with it.
Presents
My brother said, 'I've brought you home a present. It's a wombat.'
I said, 'What's a wombat for?'
He said, 'A good game of wom.'
Prisoners
Did you hear about the prisoner who talked very slowly?
He took twenty-five years to finish a sentence.
Pretty
Joe: Your wife is pretty old.
Bob: Thank you. She was even prettier when she was younger.