Pet stores
A man went into a pet shop and asked the assistant if they had any dogs going cheap.
He replied, 'Sorry sir, all ours go woof.'
Pets
I used to have a fish as a pet. Poor little thing was deaf, so I bought it a herring aid.
Personality
Mary: My boyfriend has a wonderful personality.
Jane: My boyfriend is not good-looking either.
Pet stores
Did you hear about the special offer at the pet store this weekend?
Buy one cat - get one flea!
Phones
We apologize for the inconvenience. You've stumbled upon a make-believe number. Could you please turn your phone sideways and give it another shot?
Pets
What kind of pets like to lay around the house all day?
Car-pets!
Phones
Why did the pirate's phone keep going beep, beep, beep?
Because he had left it off his hook.
Pessimists
How many PESSIMISTS does it take to change a light bulb?
'What's the point? It'll only blow again.'
Permanent
Dave: Did you hear that Fred has got a job at the bowling alley?
Joe: What tenpin?
Dave: No, it's a permanent job.
Pets
Which type of pet is the noisiest?
A trumpet!