Differences
What is the difference between a hill and a pill?
A hill is hard to get up, and a pill is hard to get down.
Dinosaurs
What do you call a dinosaur that likes to wear a cowboy hat and boots?
Tyrannosaurus Tex.
Dieting
Old dieters never die; they just waste away.
Differences
What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
Diners
DINER: Waiter, there's no chicken in this chicken pie.
WAITER: There are no shepherds in the shepherd's pie, either, sir.
Dieting
The dieter's motto.
If at first you don't recede, diet again.
Dieting
Each time I manage to lose weight, somehow, it will always find me again.
Dieting
Why did the evergreen tree go on a strict diet?
Because it had become a porky pine.
Dinner
First cannibal: What are you cooking for dinner?
Second cannibal: Shut up and get back in the oven.
Differences
Hamish: 'Do you know the difference between you and a vending machine?'
Jimmy: 'No?'
Hamish: 'You can get a drink from a vending machine.'