Christmas trees
Why are Christmas trees not very good at knitting?
They are always dropping their needles.
They are always dropping their needles.
Clocks
What kind of bugs are found in clocks?
Ticks.
Ticks.
Clocks
I heard something this morning that really made me open my eyes.
What was it?
My alarm clock.
What was it?
My alarm clock.
Clocks
Did you hear about the millionaire clock and watchmaker who died recently?
They reckon it will take years to wind up his estate.
They reckon it will take years to wind up his estate.
Christmas presents
What Christmas present do you give to a train driver?
Platform shoes.
Platform shoes.
Circus
What is big, grey and far too dangerous to appear in a circus?
An elephant with a machine gun.
An elephant with a machine gun.
Civil servants
How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to mess it up and nine to write the cover-up report.
Ten. One to mess it up and nine to write the cover-up report.
Cinderella
Why was Cinderella dropped from the football team?
She ran away from the ball.
She ran away from the ball.
Christmas trees
What do you get if you cross a pig with a Christmas tree?
A pork-u-pine.
A pork-u-pine.
Circus
Marriage - a three-ring circus:
engagement ring,
wedding ring,
and suffering.
engagement ring,
wedding ring,
and suffering.