Apes
What tool does an ape use to fix a leaking tap?
A monkey wrench.
Apologize
How many British Rail staff does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One is to change the bulb, and one is to apologize for the delay.
Apartments
Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
Ants
Why was the baby ant so confused?
Because all of his uncles were ants.
Apples
What is worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding half a maggot.
Arguing
Did you hear about the man who was constantly arguing?
He liked arguing so much he wouldn't eat anything that agreed with him.
Apes
Which large ape is very smelly?
King Pong.
Arguing
What do you call a cow who likes to argue with her husband?
A bullfighter.
Ants
What do you call an ant that lives alone?
Independ-ant.
Apartments
I used to invite this gal to my apartment to help me make hamburgers.
I called her my grille friend!