A man who hated his mother-in-law got three wishes from a genie.
Genie: "Whatever you wish for, your mother-in-law gets DOUBLE."
First wish: "I would like one billion dollars."
Genie: "Ok but mom get's two billion."
Second wish: "I would like an island off the coast of Greece."
Genie: "OK but mom get's two islands."
Third wish: " I would like you to beat me half to death."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Monsters
What should you do if you see a blue monster?
Try and cheer him up.
Politicians
Politicians are a bit like restless sleepers.
First they lie on one side, and then on the other.
Porridge
"Who's been eating my porridge?" asked baby bear.
"Who's been eating my porridge?" asked mother bear.
"Burp" said father bear.
Blondes
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Divorce
We decided to get married on Friday the 13th. if things don't work out at least we'll have something to blame the divorce on.
Teachers
Old Teachers never die, they just lose their class.
The Titanic
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About half way.
Vacation
What do Paddington Bear and Winnie The Pooh pack when they are going on vacation?
The bear essentials.
Snowmen
Two snowmen standing in a field one turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots?".