One time an idiot was at a vending machine. He would stick a quarter in, push the button, a soda would come out and he would put it on top of the machine. He did this a few more times before a man asked why he kept doing this, and he said, "Because I'm winning."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Cricket
What do you get if you cross an American pioneer with an English batting game?
Davy Cricket.
Calendar
Did you hear about the man who got sacked from the calendar factory because he took a day off?
Doughnut
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Duncan.
Duncan who?
Duncan your doughnut again?
Music
If music be the food of love, I need re-tuning
Girlfriends
Joe: My girlfriend uses lemon juice for her complexion.
Bob: Maybe that's why she always looks so sour-faced.
Politics
What is the difference between crime and politics?
In crime it's take the money and run; in politics it's the other way around.
Puzzles
What do jigsaw puzzles do when they receive bad news?
They go to pieces.
Appendix
Doctor: I want to take your appendix out this evening.
Patient: That's okay with me, but please don't bring it home too late.
Henry VIII
King Henry VIII went to heaven. St Peter said, 'Tell me, why did you have so many different wives?'
Henry said, 'I like to' chop and change.'