When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow, his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the newspaper and says "I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"
The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "�5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok".
So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter McFlannel, fae Parkheid, deid".
The clerk feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hands the paper over the counter again.
The clerk then reads, "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Frankenstein
How did Frankenstein eat his food?
He bolted it down.
Patient
Patient At Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through
James Bond
Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond.
Eggs
Why don't eggs like telling jokes?
They would crack each other up.
Elephants
Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: It doesn't, You get down from a duck.
Mouse
What do you get if you cross a mouse with an oil can?
A squeak that oils itself.
Soon
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Abyssinia.
Abyssinia who?
Abyssinia very soon.
Bull
Enraged Bull Injures Farmer With Axe
Angry
Did you hear about the angry inch-worm?
He was angry because he was told he had to convert to the metric system.