Cars
This car is protected by Smith and Wesson
French
Did you hear about the three French swordsmen who liked to put mustard in their ears?
They were known as the three mustardears.
Buried
Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
Because he is still alive.
Teddy Bears
What do you call a teddy bear who has been left at the altar by his bride-to-be?
Jilted.
Drinking
Hey, Noah, do you want a drink?
Noah, don't.
Elephants
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
It doesn't; you get down from a duck.
Girlfriends
Billy: My girlfriend has what is known as a sympathetic face.
John: What do you mean?
Billy: When people see her face, they feel sympathetic.
Passengers
Did you hear about the boatload of red paint that crashed into a boat carrying blue paint?
13 passengers were marooned.
Golf
Wife: Where are you going with your golf clubs?
Husband: To a tee party.