Walking
What is something that is unable to walk but can run?
A river.
Personality
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I'm developing a split personality.
Doctor: Well, sit down, both of you.
Roads
What did the road say to the bridge?
You make me cross.
Vampires
Why do vampires try to avoid getting into arguments?
Because they make themselves cross.
Waiters
Waiter, waiter, this food is terrible. Bring me the manager.
I'm sorry, sir. He won't eat it either.
Idiots
Did you hear about the idiot who called both his sons Ed?
He thought two eds were better than one.
Chickens
What do you call a chicken that haunts houses?
A poultrygeist.
Blondes
What's the difference between a blonde and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Soup
Diner: How's your chicken soup today?
Waiter: It's pretty fowl.