Bees
What do you call a bee that is born in the month of May?
A maybee.
Musicians
What do you call a musician whose girlfriend has just dumped him?
Homeless.
Parties
What do you call a party held in a basement?
A cellar-bration.
Blondes
What did the blonde say when she dropped the priceless Ming vase?
'It's OK, Daddy, I'm not hurt.'
Drunks
Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
Apples
What is worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding half a maggot.
Idiots
Did you hear about the idiot who planted pennies in his garden?
He wanted to raise some hard cash.
Having A Bad Day
You know you're having a bad day when you try to pick up the clothes you wore home from the party last night, but there aren't any.
Dogs
What is the main ingredient of dog biscuits?
Collie flour.