Golf
Did you know, Peter, I got a new set of golf clubs for my wife last week.'
'Oh, David, what a bargain.'
Zombies
Why was the zombie awarded a medal?
Because he was dead-icated!
Fish
What type of fish only comes out at night?
A starfish.
Teenagers
Teenage Driver: But, officer, I'm a college graduate.
Traffic Cop: Sorry, but ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law.
Caution
CAUTION! I Drive The Same Way As You!
Know
Who wrote Oliver Twist?
How the dickens should I know?
Marriage
Wife: Why did you come home at 4 am this morning?
Husband: Where else can you go at 4 in the morning in this town?
Girlfriends
My girlfriend's cooking is just like a good man, it's hard to keep down.
Cinderella
Why was Cinderella dropped from the football team?
She ran away from the ball.