A guy in a restaurant says to the waitress "I want a cup of coffee without
cream." The waitress comes back a few minutes later and says "I'm sorry, but
we're all out of cream. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?"
My uncle went to a restaurant, and there was this waitress scratching herself. He said, 'Tell me have you got eczema?'
She said, 'Not if it's not on the menu.'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Permanent
Dave: Did you hear that Fred has got a job at the bowling alley?
Joe: What tenpin?
Dave: No it's a permanent job.
Blondes
Q: What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common.
A: You often hear about them, but you never see one.
Farmers
What do you call a farmer who used to like farm machinery?
An ex-tractor fan.
Errors
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
Computers
What do you call a computer superhero?
A Screen Saver.
Quasimodo
Why did Quasimodo's wife buy him a wok?
To iron his shirts.
Wisdom
What do you get from a well-educated oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Vampires
What type of coffee do vampires like to drink?
Decoffinated.
Girlfriends
Bob: I call my girlfriend Sugar.
Joe: Why is that?
Bob: Because she's so refined.