Waiter, waiter, this food is terrible. Bring me the manager.
I'm sorry, sir. He won't eat it either.
Waiter, waiter, this food isn't fit for a pig.'
'Very good, sir. I'll go and get you some that is.'
Waiter, waiter, what do you recommend for my lunch?
For you, sir, I would recommend a diet.
Waiter, waiter, what's in this stuff?'
'It's bean soup, sir.'
'I asked for its recipe, not its history.'
Waiter, waiter, what's on the menu tonight?
I'm not sure, sir, but it looks like last night's special.
Waiter, waiter, you're not fit to serve a pig.
I'm trying my best, sir.
Waiter, waiter, you've given me a wet soup plate.
That's your soup, sir.
Waiter, Waiter.
I'd like a glass of beer and a piece of fish.
Fillet?
Yes - right to the top.
Waiter, Waiter.
There's a fly in my soup.
Don't worry, sir, they don't drink much.
Waiter: And what will you have to follow your main course, sir?
Diner: Most likely indigestion.
What do you get when you cross a hen and a waiter?
A hen that lays tables.
You know you're getting old when you look at the menu before looking at the waitress or waiter.