Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Throw him a doughnut, sir; it'll make a good lifebelt.
Waiter, there's a hand in my soup.
'That's not your soup, sir, it's the finger bowl.
Waiter, waiter, do they ever change the tablecloths in this restaurant?
I don't know, sir. I've only been here a year.
Waiter, waiter, do you have frogs' legs?'
'No, sir, I always walk this way.'
Waiter, waiter, do you have frogs' legs?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Well, hop over the counter and get me a sandwich.'
Waiter, waiter, have you smoked salmon?
No, sir, but I have smoked a pipe.
Waiter, waiter, just what is this fly doing in my soup?
The breaststroke, sir.
Waiter, waiter, there seems to be a dead fly floating in my soup.
Yes, sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly swimming around in my soup.'
'No, sir. Actually, that's the chef. The last customer was a witch doctor.'
Waiter, waiter, there's a small fly in my soup.
I'm sorry, sir. Shall I get you a bigger one?
Waiter, waiter, there's a twig in my soup.
Well, you did order bird's nest soup, sir.
Waiter, waiter, this coffee tastes like tea.'
' Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I must have brought you cocoa by mistake.'