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Joke Topic - 'Vet'

Here are 3 jokes on the topic - 'Vet'.


A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

My brother said, 'Mum, I'm feeling sick as a dog.'
My mum said, 'Hang on, I'll call the vet.'

Veterinarian: Has your dog ever had fleas?
Little Boy: No, just puppies!

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What do you call a bee which is born in the month of May?
A maybee.


He's always operating in stand-by mode.


What do witches sing at Christmas?
"Deck the Halls with Poison Ivy."


What do you call an honest lawyer?


What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Light Bulbs

How many real men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.


One caveman said to the other, 'What's that big thing with the long neck writing Jane Eyre?'
The other one said, 'That's Bronte-saurus.'


My mum said to my uncle, 'What's got four legs and flies?'
My uncle said, 'Don't tell me, the horse is dead.'


Brian: Yesterday my dog grabbed my dictionary and started chewing it. Fred: So what did you do?
Brian: I took the words right out of his mouth.

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