Joke Topic - 'Vessels'

Patient: Doctor, I keep seeing double.
Doctor: Please sit on the couch.
Patient: Which one?

What is green, has two arms, two legs and a trunk?
A seasick tourist.

When I first started working, I used to dream of the day when I might be earning the salary I'm starving on now.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Are you trying to make a fool out of me?
No, I never like to interfere with nature.

What did the plumber say to his girlfriend called Flo when he wanted to find a new girlfriend?
It's all over Flo.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alec.
Alec who?
An election is held about every four years.

What do you get if you cross a worm with an elephant?
Great big holes in your garden.