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Joke Topic - 'Ventriloquists' - 3 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
Here are 3 jokes on the topic - 'Ventriloquists'.
A mangy-lookin' guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, 'No way. I don't think you can pay for it.' The guy says, 'You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?' The bartender says, 'Only if what you show me ain't risque.'
'Deal!' says the guy, pulling out a hamster from his coat pocket. Once he sets the hamster on the bar, it dashes off, climbing over a barstool before racing across the room to the piano. It then leaps up on the keyboard and begins to play Gershwin tunes. The hamster, too, is top-notch. The bartender responds, 'You're right. That is the first time I have ever seen anything like it. That hamster plays the piano beautifully. The guy finishes his drink and requests another from the bartender. 'Money or another miracle, else no drink,' says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch and is a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says, 'It's a deal.' He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it.
The bartender says to the guy, 'Are you some kind of nut?! Did you sell a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!'
'Not so,' says the guy. 'The hamster is also a ventriloquist!'
'Deal!' says the guy, pulling out a hamster from his coat pocket. Once he sets the hamster on the bar, it dashes off, climbing over a barstool before racing across the room to the piano. It then leaps up on the keyboard and begins to play Gershwin tunes. The hamster, too, is top-notch. The bartender responds, 'You're right. That is the first time I have ever seen anything like it. That hamster plays the piano beautifully. The guy finishes his drink and requests another from the bartender. 'Money or another miracle, else no drink,' says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch and is a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says, 'It's a deal.' He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it.
The bartender says to the guy, 'Are you some kind of nut?! Did you sell a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!'
'Not so,' says the guy. 'The hamster is also a ventriloquist!'
How many VENTRILOQUISTS does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the gulg and one to gold the gottom of the lagger.
Two. One to change the gulg and one to gold the gottom of the lagger.
This guy walks into a bar carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartender, 'I'll have a Scotch and Soda.'
Then the crocodile says 'And I'll have a Whiskey Sour.'
The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps 'That's incredible I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!'
And the guy says 'He can't the chicken is a ventriloquist.'
Then the crocodile says 'And I'll have a Whiskey Sour.'
The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps 'That's incredible I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!'
And the guy says 'He can't the chicken is a ventriloquist.'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Mother-in-law
I gave my mother-in-law a waterproof, shockproof, anti-magnetic, unbreakable watch. She went and lost it.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Frank.
Frank who?
Frank you very much.
Who's there?
Frank.
Frank who?
Frank you very much.
Mummies
What do mummies do at weekends?
They like to unwind.
They like to unwind.
Cars
Why can't a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Because it only has one boot.
Eggs
When is an egg just like a losing team?
When it is being beaten.
When it is being beaten.
Cars
If this car was a horse, I'd have to shoot it.
Police
Yo' momma's so fat, the local police force hired her to be a roadblock!
Lightbulbs
How many roadies/sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. 'I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job.'
None. 'I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job.'
Blondes
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
They think someone is taking their picture.