Pigs
Pigs might fly, but this one drives
Doctors
My dad went to the doctor. He said, 'I think I'm an elastic band.'
The doctor said, 'Stretch yourself out on the couch.'
Police
What do you get when you cross a police officer with an alarm clock?
A crime watch.
Ghosts
What do ghosts like to eat for lunch?
Spook-etti.
Jail
Did you hear about the English teacher who was sent to jail?
She got a full sentence.
Passengers
Did you hear about the boatload of red paint that crashed into a boat carrying blue paint?
13 passengers were marooned.
Music
If music be the food of love, I need re-tuning
Children
It's true that children brighten up a home.
They never turn off the lights.
Elephants
What are the largest ants in the world?
Elephants.