I said to my uncle, 'How long have you been bald?'
He said, 'Ever since the war, lad. I lost it in a hair raid.'
My great uncle Morris died of deafness. He was so deaf he didn't hear the roadroller coming.
My uncle is a man of letters. He works for the post office.
The young couple invited an elderly uncle to join them for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the uncle asked their son what they were having. 'Goat,' the little boy replied.
'Goat! 'Are you certain about that?'
'Yes,' said the youngster. 'This morning, I heard my dad tell my mom, 'Today is just as good a day as any to have that old goat for dinner.''
Why was the baby ant so confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
Why was the baby ant so confused?
Because all of his uncles were ants.
Lawyers
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bull?
The lawyer charges more.
Doctors
Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing an insect spinning in front of my eyes.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!
Pigs
What do you get if you cross a pig with a hedgehog?
A porkupine.
Animals
What type of animal is no fun at a party?
A boar!
Light
What is dark but made by light?
A shadow.
Golf
Golfer: 'That can't possibly be my ball. It looks far too old.'
Caddy: 'Well, It has been a long time since we started, sir.'
Musicians
What is the difference between a corpse and a musician?
One composes, and the other decomposes.
Kidnappers
Did you hear about the kidnapping?
He woke up.
Ducks
Where does a duck go when he gets sick?
The ductor.