Joke Topic - 'Umpire'

Here are 3 jokes on the topic - 'Umpire'.

And why couldn't the loutish baseball umpire have his little boy sit in his lap?
Because the son never sits on the brutish umpire.

What does a baseball player do when his eyesight starts going bad?
He gets a job as an umpire.

When is an baseball umpire like a telephone operator?
When he makes a call.

Here are some randomly selected joke topics

Gone Forever

"It's gone forever - gone forever I tell you."
"What has?"
"Yesterday."

Waiter, waiter, there's a twig in my soup.
Well you did order bird's nest soup, sir.

What is most useful when it is used up?
An umbrella.

How can you tell if a chicken likes you?
It gives you a peck on the cheek.

Did you hear what happened when the ghosts went on strike?
A skeleton staff took over.

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a window.
Doctor: Tell me where the pane is.

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
An alarm cluck.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sara.
Sara who?
Sara doctor in the house?

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