Joke Topic - 'Ugly'

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. "You, sir, are drunk!"
"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

I'm not saying the mother-in-law's ugly, but she uses her bottom lip as a shower cap.

MABEL: When I'm old and ugly, will you still love me?
PERCY: I do, don't I?

Mrs Smith: Don't you think that man over there is the ugliest person you've ever seen?
Mrs Jones: Thats my husband.
Mrs Smith: Oh dear, I'm so sorry.
Mrs Jones: You're sorry. . .

My physchiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him "If you don't mind I'd like a second opion. "He said "Alright .. you're ugly too."

My last girlfriend was so ugly, that when she worked in a pet store people kept asking how big she would get ...

What is big, green, and ugly and never smiles?
The Incredible Sulk.

You know, I don't know what I'd do without my mother-in-law - but it's nice dreaming about it.
I mean, she's not ugly - it's just that when she makes up, the lipstick crawls back down the tube.
She's found a new cheap way of making yoghourt and sour cream - she just buys a bottle of milk and stares at it for a couple of minutes.