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Joke Topic - 'The Lottery' - 5 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At

Here are 5 jokes on the topic - 'The Lottery'.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Pack up your things! I just won the lottery!'
His wife replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

Can you call someone on the other side of the international date line and get tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?

McDougal bought two tickets for the lottery. He won five million pounds.
'How do you feel about your big win?' asked a newspaper reporter.
'Disappointed,' said McDougal, 'My other ticket didn't win anything.'

What do you call a rabbit that's just won the lottery?
A millionhare.

Here are some randomly selected joke topics

Potatoes

What do you get if you cross a tomato with a potato?
A potato with bloodshot eyes.

Personality

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I'm developing a split personality.
Doctor: Well, sit down, both of you.

Christmas Trees

What do you get if you cross a pig with a Christmas tree?
A pork-u-pine.

Computers

Why was the computer feeling cold?
It had left Windows open.

Doctors

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog.
Sit!

Ghosts

What kind of mistakes do ghosts usually make?
Boo-boos.

Getting Old

You know you're getting old when you stop combing your hair and start 'arranging' it.

Songs

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Mosquitoes

What do mosquitoes learn in art class?
How to draw blood.