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Joke Topic - 'The Lottery' - 5 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At

Here are 5 jokes on the topic - 'The Lottery'.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Pack up your things! I just won the lottery!'
His wife replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

Can you call someone on the other side of the international date line and get tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?

McDougal bought two tickets for the lottery. He won five million pounds.
'How do you feel about your big win?' asked a newspaper reporter.
'Disappointed,' said McDougal, 'My other ticket didn't win anything.'

What do you call a rabbit that's just won the lottery?
A millionhare.

Here are some randomly selected joke topics

Soup

Waiter, waiter, you've given me a wet soup plate.
That's your soup, sir.

Cannibals

Why did the cannibal become a vegetarian?
He went right off people.

Football

Where do footballers dance?
At a football.

Dogs

My pet dog is a Doberman pincher. All day, he goes around pinching Dobermans.

Waiters

Waiter, waiter, this food isn't fit for a pig.'
'Very good, sir. I'll go and get you some that is.'

Crazy

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

Teeth

Did you hear about the singer who went to the dentist?
He gave her falsetto teeth.

Dogs

Advert in a newspaper:
Big dog for sale, eats anything - fond of children.

Girlfriends

What did the artist say to his girlfriend?
'I love you with all my art.'