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Joke Topic - 'The Lottery'

Here are 4 jokes on the topic - 'The Lottery'.


A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Pack up your things! I just won the lottery!"
His wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

Can you call someone on the other side of the international date line and get tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?

McDougal bought two tickets for the lottery. He won five million pounds.
"How do you feel about your big win?" asked a newspaper reporter.
"Disappointed," said McDougal, "My other ticket didn't win anything."

Here are some randomly selected joke topics



Why do sheep never have enough money to go away on a vacation?
The farmer is always fleecing them.

Santa Claus

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.


Illiterate? Call this number for help.

Light Bulbs

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just define darkness as an industry standard.


Why do ex-barbers make such good parcel delivery drivers?
They know all the short cuts.


Why did the pilot visit the physiatrist?
Because he was plane crazy.


A FATHER: The man who has complete command, most of the time, of the dog.


William: See that young woman over there, well I just kissed her under the mistletoe.
Brian: I wouldn't kiss her under anesthetic!


What do you call a man whose wife has just divorced him?
A divorce-he.

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