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Joke Topic - 'The Lottery'


Here are 4 jokes on the topic - 'The Lottery'.

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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Pack up your things! I just won the lottery!"
His wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
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Can you call someone on the other side of the international date line and get tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?
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McDougal bought two tickets for the lottery. He won five million pounds.
"How do you feel about your big win?" asked a newspaper reporter.
"Disappointed," said McDougal, "My other ticket didn't win anything."


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Cricket

Why could you say that a fish and chip shop is like a cricket team?
Because they both need a good batter.
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Horses

What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bour.
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The Butler

Knock knock
Who's there?
Norma
Norma who?
Normally the butler opens the door.
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To Err

To err is human to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
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Lawyers

What's a good example of a missed opportunity?
A bus-load of lawyers going over a cliff with one empty seat.
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Getting Old

You know you're getting old when you look at the menu before looking at the waitress or waiter.
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Cows

Why do cows have bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.
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Teachers

Teacher: Take this sentence: "I don't have no fun at the weekend." How should I correct this?
Pupil: Perhaps you could try and find a boyfriend.
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Bars

I'm watching my drinking, so now I only visit bars that have mirrors on the walls.

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