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Joke Topic - 'The Lottery'


Here are 4 jokes on the topic - 'The Lottery'.

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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Pack up your things! I just won the lottery!"
His wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
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Can you call someone on the other side of the international date line and get tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?
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McDougal bought two tickets for the lottery. He won five million pounds.
"How do you feel about your big win?" asked a newspaper reporter.
"Disappointed," said McDougal, "My other ticket didn't win anything."


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Sheep

Why do sheep never have enough money to go away on a vacation?
The farmer is always fleecing them.
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Santa Claus

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
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Illiterate

Illiterate? Call this number for help.
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Light Bulbs

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just define darkness as an industry standard.
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Barbers

Why do ex-barbers make such good parcel delivery drivers?
They know all the short cuts.
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Pilot

Why did the pilot visit the physiatrist?
Because he was plane crazy.
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Dog

A FATHER: The man who has complete command, most of the time, of the dog.
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Mistletoe

William: See that young woman over there, well I just kissed her under the mistletoe.
Brian: I wouldn't kiss her under anesthetic!
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Divorce

What do you call a man whose wife has just divorced him?
A divorce-he.

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