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Joke Topic - 'The Lottery'

Here are 4 jokes on the topic - 'The Lottery'.


A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Pack up your things! I just won the lottery!"
His wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

Can you call someone on the other side of the international date line and get tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?

McDougal bought two tickets for the lottery. He won five million pounds.
"How do you feel about your big win?" asked a newspaper reporter.
"Disappointed," said McDougal, "My other ticket didn't win anything."

Here are some randomly selected joke topics



Why could you say that a fish and chip shop is like a cricket team?
Because they both need a good batter.


What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bour.

The Butler

Knock knock
Who's there?
Norma who?
Normally the butler opens the door.

To Err

To err is human to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.


What's a good example of a missed opportunity?
A bus-load of lawyers going over a cliff with one empty seat.

Getting Old

You know you're getting old when you look at the menu before looking at the waitress or waiter.


Why do cows have bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.


Teacher: Take this sentence: "I don't have no fun at the weekend." How should I correct this?
Pupil: Perhaps you could try and find a boyfriend.


I'm watching my drinking, so now I only visit bars that have mirrors on the walls.

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