Sailors
Did you hear about the man who thought Bob Marley and the Wailers were the sailors who caught Moby Dick?
Lawyers
What's the best way to get a hold of a lawyer?
By the neck.
Pigs
Diner: Can you ask the chef if he has pigs' feet?
Waiter: Not me. I want to keep this job.
Drunks
Why did the drunk man dislike the cute little puppy?
Because it was the heir of the dog that bit him.
Elephants
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
Games
Which board game does Ebenezer Scrooge like to play at Christmas?
Mean-opoly.
Fleas
How do fleas go on vacation?
They itchhike.
Dogs
We call our dog Egypt because he likes to leave a pyramid in every room.
Dracula
What is Dracula's least favorite meal?
Steak.