I wouldn't say my last girlfriend was ugly, but if she had a body to match her face, her parents could have entered her for the Grand National horse race.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Cross The Road
Q: Why did the New Yorker cross the road?
A: What's it to you??!!!!!!!!!!!?
Golf Balls
Why is it so hard to drive golf balls?
They don't have
steering wheels!
Neatly
If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
Cannibals
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?"
Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
Elected
A little girl asked her father, 'do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time"?
The father replied, 'No, some begin with - If I am elected.'
Lawyers
What's the easiest way to grease a Ferarri?
Run over a lawyer.
Gorillas
'Would you rather a lion ate you or a gorilla?'
'I would rather the lion ate the gorilla.'
Ghosts
What do short-sighted ghost wear?
Spooktacles.
Dogs
What breed of dog rides a horse named Macaroni?
Yankee poodle!