Son: My teacher must be really old.
Father: Why is that son?
Son: Well, today in class, he told us that he used to teach Shakespeare.
Teacher to Pupil: Can you name me six things which have milk in them?
Pupil: Cheese, yoghurt, cream - and three cows!
Teacher to pupils One Of the most important documents in English history was the Magna Carta. Now, does anyone know where it was signed?
Pupil: At the bottom, Miss?
Teacher: "Give me a sentence starting with the letter 'I'".
Pupil: "I is-"
Teacher: "No, you must always say 'I am'."
Pupil: "Okay, 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet'."
Teacher: "Late again. What's the excuse this time?"
Pupil: "Sorry, Sir. There was a notice on the bus saying Dogs must be carried, and I couldn't find one anywhere."
Teacher: "What is the outer part of a tree called?"
Pupil: "I don't know sir."
Teacher: "Bark, boy bark."
Pupil: "Woof-woof."
Teacher: Billy, why have you not given me your homework?
Billy: I made it into a paper aeroplane and someone hijacked it.
Teacher: I wish you’d pay a little attention to what I'm saying!
Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can!
Teacher: Take this sentence: "I don't have no fun at the weekend." How should I correct this?
Pupil: Perhaps you could try and find a boyfriend.
Teacher: What is the name given to the small rivers that flow into the river Nile?
William: The Juve-Niles?