Eating
What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?
You get tinselitis.
Hotels
Hotel Guest: 'Can you give me a room and a bath, please?'
Receptionist: 'I can give you a room, but you'll have to take your own bath.'
Tires
If tires hold up cars, what holds up airplanes?
Hijackers.
Cannibals
Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
Undertakers
How do undertakers speak?
Gravely.
Politicians
In politics, honesty is comparable to oxygen. The higher you go, the more difficult it is to find.
Christmas
Why does Father Christmas go down chimneys?
Because they soot him.
Lumberjacks
I used to be a lumberjack, but then I got the axe.
Restaurants
What does a skeleton order when he eats in a restaurant?
Spareribs.