Lawyers
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Bankrupt
Fred: I'm sorry your rubber ball factory went bankrupt.
George: Yes, but I'll bounce back.
Cricket
Patient: Doctor, you must help me; I've gone crazy about cricket.
Doctor: How's that?
Patient: Not out!
Credit Cards
Diner: Waiter, can you put this meal on my credit card?
Waiter: Sorry, sir. But I don't think it'll fit.
Snooker
What is the difference between a gardener and a snooker player?
One minds his peas, and the other minds his cues.
Politicians
Statesmen tell you what is true even though it may be unpopular. Politicians will tell you what is popular, even though it may be untrue.
Burgers
Diner: Excuse me, but will my burger be long?
Waiter: No, sir. It'll be round.
Martians
Why are Martians green?
They forgot to take their travel sickness tablets before leaving Mars.
Elephants
What should you give a seasick elephant?
A lot of room.