Lawyers
What do you call an honest lawyer?
An impossibility.
Teachers
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
She couldn't control her pupils!
Detectives
What do you get if you cross a famous English detective with a skeleton?
Sherlock Bones.
Men
What is the longest sentence known to man?
'I do.'
Zombies
Why was the zombie awarded a medal?
Because he was dead-icated!
Christmas
What do sad Christmas trees do?
They pine a lot.
Bachelors
A bachelor is a man who has not made the same mistake once.
Ducks
The price of duck feathers has just been increased.
This means that now even down is up.
Television
What type of television did the ghost buy?
A wide-scream TV.