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Joke Topic - 'Soccer'

Here are 12 jokes on the topic - 'Soccer'.

Related Topics: Sports (4) Baseball (12) Cricket (9) Tennis (7) Football (18)

A famous footballer went to Heaven and was met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Who are you?' asked the saint.
'What did you do on earth?'
'I was a footballer.'
'Oh, and where are your boots?'
'I left them on earth.'
'Well, hurry back and get them - we're playing a match against Hell tonight.'

A soccer fan took his new girlfriend to a match for the first time, and answered all her questions as she inquired about the function of every player.
'And what's that man in front of the net?' she asked.
'He's the goal-keeper.'
'And what does he do?'
'He has to keep the ball from going in the net.'
'Ah. And how much is he paid?'
'Oh, about 2000 pounds a week.'
'Oh,' said the girl, 'wouldn't it be cheaper to board it up?'

Billy: I can't believe I just missed that open goal. I could kick myself.
Johnny: Don't: bother, you'd probably miss.

How did the soccer field end up as a triangle?
Somebody took a corner.

How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to get into position to screw it in, one to kick the legs out from under him, one to snatch the light bulb and pass it to his mate who, then goes and screws it in over the other side of the room, and one to roll around on the floor pretending to be really injured.

If you have a referee in soccer, and an umpire in cricket, what do you have in bowls?

Joe: I was playing soccer yesterday and sprained my ankle. That's why I was absent from school this morning.
Teacher: What a lame excuse that is!

What do pigs like to do when they play soccer?
Hog the ball.

What do you get if you cross a football team with a bunch of crazy jokers?
Mad jester united.

What do you get if you cross a football team with ice cream?
Aston vanilla.

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