Did you hear about the man who fitted snow tires to his car?
They melted.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow good, I can't remember.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow good asking me
Two idiots walked deep into a forest searching for a Christmas tree. After spending hours in the deep snow and biting wind, one idiot turned to the other and said, 'I'm going to chop down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!'
Where do elves put their money?
In the snow bank.
Why is it not a good idea to wear snow boots?
Because they'll melt.
Deaf
I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you.
Bosses
Have you noticed that your boss is the only one who watches the clock during the coffee break?
Wives
My wife divorced me on religious grounds.
She worships money, and I don't have any.
Pigs
Diner: Can you ask the chef if he has pigs' feet?
Waiter: Not me. I want to keep this job.
Eggs
Did you hear about the man who stole a truckload of eggs?
He has returned them. Apparently he only did it for a yolk.
Lawyers
What an amazing lawyer he was. Once, he got a jury so confused that they sent the judge to jail.
Soap
Customer: I'd like a bar of soap, please.
Shop Assistant: Would you like it scented?
Customer: No, I want to take it with me now.
Dogs
What breed of dog rides a horse named Macaroni?
Yankee poodle!
Stupid
It's all right to be stupid, but you're making a career out of it.