Two idiots walked deep into a forest searching for a
Christmas tree. After spending hours in the deep snow and biting wind, one idiot turned to the other and said, "I'm going to chop down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Ghost
Did you hear about the ghost who last year went to Africa on safari?
He was a big-game haunter.
Dogs
My brother said, 'Mum, I'm feeling sick as a dog.'
My mum said, 'Hang on, I'll call the vet.'
Chicken
Why did the chicken want to join a pop group?
He already had the drumsticks!
Skeleton
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
I love every bone in your body.
Bees
What did the baby bee say to the Queen bee?
Swarm in here, isn't it?
Squirrels
Why do sqirrels always 'live happily ever afterwards'?
Because they have furry tail ends.
Football
Where do footballers dance?
At a football.
Girlfriends
Fred: My girlfriend loves nature.
Dave: That's very generous of her, considering what nature has done to her.
Sorry
"Terribly sorry, but you've reached an answering machine."