John said, 'That bloke up at the tea counter thinks he's a snooker ball.'
My brother said, 'Ah, so that's why he's at the end of the queue.
Patient: I've been feeling a little off colour lately.
Doctor: Tell me what you have been eating recently.
Patient: I only eat snooker balls.
Doctor: Snooker balls?
Patient: Yes, I have a blue one for breakfast, a pink and a yellow one lunch, red ones as snacks, and then a black one for dinner.
Doctor: Aha, I see what the problem is - you're not getting enough greens.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Doctor
Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm shrinking.
Doctor: Well, you'll just have to be a little patient.
Physchiatrists
My physchiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him "If you don't mind I'd like a second opion. "He said "Alright .. you're ugly too."
Politicians
The government claims it's following the will of the people. I didn't even know we'd died!
Doctors
Patient: Doctor, will you treat me?
Doctor: Definitely not! You'll have to pay just like every other patient.
Thieves
A gang of thieves broke into a blood bank last night and stole a hundred pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.
Marriage
Harry: My wife speaks through her nose?
Fred: Why does she do that?
Harry: Because she's worn her mouth out.
Lawyers
Old lawyers never die. They just lose their appeal.
Exam
What is black and white and hard all over?
An exam paper.
Doctors
My mum said, 'Doctor, give me something for my kidneys.'
The doctor said, 'How about a few rashers of bacon?'