An accountant is having trouble getting to sleep at night so he goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend the next three hours trying to find it."
Bill: I was on the television last night.
George: Were you?
Bill: Yeah. When I'm drunk I'll fall sleep anywhere.
Doctor: Are you a light sleeper?
Patient: No, I always sleep in the dark.
How do you get a baby astronaut to go to sleep?
You rocket.
Patient: What's the best way to avoid getting wrinkles?
Doctor: Don't sleep in your clothes.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
You should be asleep by now, it's way pasture bedtime.
Why did the man run around his bed?
To try and catch up on his sleep.
Why is it the loudest snorer is always the first one to get to sleep?