Brains
If your brain was chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Birthdays
For weeks I've been telling you not to buy anything for my birthday and yet you still forgot to bring me something.
Witches
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch.
Cannibals
Have you heard about the cannibal who applied to join the police force?
He wanted to grill his suspects.
Reindeer
Which reindeer knows Morse code?
Dasher.
Talking
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Golf
Wife: Why do you always think about golf at bedtime?
Husband: It putts me to sleep.
Phones
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sarah.
Sarah who?
Sarah phone I could use?
Windows
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.