Joke Topic - 'Skin'

I heard something this morning that really made me open my eyes.
What was it?
My alarm clock.

How do undertakers speak?
Gravely.

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.

Have you ever had chicken soup?
No, I've never known a chicken who could cook.

Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?
He was found squashed under a shop.

Diner: Waiter, when I ordered this steak, I said 'Well done'.
Waiter: Thank you Sir.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

What should you do if you lock yourself out of your house?
Keep singing until you find the right key.

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?