Joke Topic - 'Showing You Up'

What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?
Lawyers accumulate frequent-flier points.

What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.

A Truck load of prunes has been stolen. Police are looking for a man on the run.

Why did the woodworm eat a sofa and two easy chairs?
It had a suite tooth.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the park???
A: To get to the other slide

Why do vampires try to avoid getting into arguments?
Because they make themselves cross.

Why do vikings never send e-mails?
They prefer to use Norse code.

Did you hear that the man who invented the clock has written his autobiography?
It's about time.

The government is sneaky. They raise the tax on alcohol, then make sure that the country is in such a mess that you drink more.