A very large car screeched to a halt in the middle of a
Warwickshire village. The driver removed his cigar and
called out to a local farmer, 'Say, am I on the right road for
Shakespeare's birthplace?'
'Straight ahead, sir,' said the farmer. 'But there b'aint no
need to 'urry. He's dead!'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Girlfriends
Fred: My girlfriend spends hours in front of the mirror admiring her beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
George: No, it's just imagination.
Mother
Billy: My mother has the worst memory in the world.
Frank: She forgets everything?
Billy: No. she remembers everything.
Soap
How did your mom know that you didn't wash your face?
I forgot to wet the soap.
Moles
How do you stop moles digging up your garden?
Hide the spades.
Horn
Honk your horn if you hate noise pollution.
Eggs
Why don't eggs like telling jokes?
They would crack each other up.
Polar Bears
Hear about the polar bear who tried to eat a penguin?
He couldn't get the wrapper off.
A Hunch
Bill: I have a hunch.
David: Really? I thought you were just round-shouldered.
Pigs
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a bunch of flowers?
It was Valenswine's Day!