Frogs
What did the frog order when he went to McDonald's?
A hoppy meal.
Notice
I've got a bad stomach.
Well, just keep your coat on, and no one will notice.
Bees
Diner: Waiter, there's a bee in my soup.
Waiter: Of course, there is, sir, it's alphabet soup.
Kangaroos
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a line of people waiting to catch a bus?
A queue jumper.
Doctors
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together!
Teachers
Son: My teacher must be really old.
Father: Why is that son?
Son: Well, today in class, he told us that he used to teach Shakespeare.
Eyes
What has four eyes and a mouth?
The Mississippi.
Dogs
What type of dogs are always welcome at football games?
Hot dogs.
Blondes
A blonde was heading home when she saw a sign that said, "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES." After driving eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.