'You wouldn't think I'd bought this car second-hand, would you?'
'No, I thought you'd made it yourself.'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Teachers
In school I was the teacher's pet.
She couldn't afford a dog.
Scottish
A Scottish gift: "It's nae use to me, ye're welcome to it."
Fly
What do you get if you cross a fly with a detective?
A police insector.
Cows
Q: What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?
A: Decalfinated
Cats
Did you hear about the cat that fell in the yogurt?
He's a sour puss now.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Statue.
Statue who?
Statue? This is me.
Frogs
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Firefly
Why did the baby firefly get awarded a prize at school?
Because he was very bright for his age.
Blondes
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.