I went to the seaside for a vacation last year. The landlady said to me, 'We charge twenty pounds a night, bed and breakfast- or twelve pounds if you make your own bed.' 'Oh, all right,' I said, 'I'll make the bed.' And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer and some nails.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Dogs
Every dog has its day, only a dog with a broken tail has a weak-end.
Stupid
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Money
Highway man to traveller: Your money or your life!
Traveller: Take my life, I'm saving up.
Restaurants
I went to a restaurant that was so expensive that they didn't have prices on the menu - just little faces with varying expressions of horror.
Cows
What do you call it when cows fight a battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
Prunes
Prunes give you a run for your money.
The Butler
Knock knock
Who's there?
Norma
Norma who?
Normally the butler opens the door.
Peanuts
There were these two peanuts walking down the street and one was assaulted.